I know this blog makes it seems like this whole process is just paperwork and to some extent that’s true. What I’ve neglected to post much about is what else we are doing in between paperwork and fingerprinting. Well, for me, this “paper pregnancy” is all consuming. I think about it 24/7. Poor Chris then hears about it every 5 minutes when he’s home.
Just like when I was pregnant with Carter, I’m reading a lot and trying to prepare. I don’t get people who just go through pregnancy thinking it will come naturally. I’m way too much of a planner. So, I’m reading different books on adoption, international adoption, bi-racial adoption, etc. I also spend at least 1/2 an hour each day reading other adoptive parents’ blogs.
The blogs have been by far the most useful. I can tell you on average how long each step in the process takes based on their timelines. I get an idea of what bumps in the road we’ll encounter and what to expect when we get to meet our child. It is on these blogs that I’ve read suggestions on important topics that I can then talk with Chris about. One of these is how much information we will share with others about our child’s history.
I’ve read quite a few blog posts about this and after discussing it with Chris, we definitely agree without any doubt that we will NOT be sharing any details about our child’s background with anyone until we are able to share them with our child. So, everyone knows that he/she will come to us from an orphanage. How he or she got there, if his/her parents are alive, if they have any blood-related siblings, etc. will be kept private. Yes, this does include YOU. YOU will not know these details.
This may seem weird to some people. I mean, we did share every detail about Carter’s birth and life up until this point. But, what you need to understand is that there is no possible way that our child’s story will be a happy one. Think about it. In what circumstance is a child going to an orphanage a happy story? Whether their parents are alive or not, they are no longer together. And, I can promise you that these children were not taken away from horrible parents who have mistreated them as might be the case in the U.S. There are far too many orphans for the government to be adding to the number through child protective services.
It’s important for us to be able to share their story with them in age appropriate ways. We will never keep the details from our child. We will be as open as they want us to be, answering any questions they ask and encouraging them to feel comfortable talking about their birthparents and home country. We just don’t want to find out that our friend’s daughter accidentally said something to our child because our friend let something slip to her child. There are just certain conversations that a parent should have with their child. This is definitely one of them.
Amen.