Off the clock

Yes, we have to be out of our house by March 15th. Nope, we’re not all packed yet. Yes, we went on a vacation to Florida anyway.

Even before Keaton was born, we decided to do something “big” for our 5 year anniversary. Last year we just went to dinner because we had treated ourselves to a couple of days in Cabo after one of Chris’ business trips a month prior. We had been in need of a break having welcomed Coen home 6 months earlier. The year before, we just went to dinner because we were in the mist of adoption expenses and trips to Ghana. 5 years was going to be something to celebrate and we didn’t want it to just fly by. That said, planning kind of went to the back burner with 3 kids and moving and such. We ended up deciding to again, tack on our vacation to the end of Chris’ trip, the year to Florida, but we did extend it  to a whole 4 days for Chris and 5 for me (he worked the first day that I was there which also happened to be my birthday – his annual trip is ALWAYS on my birthday).

We got a bit of slack from some people who were surprised that we were taking a trip with all the chaos, but in our minds, this was the perfect time. We needed a break. We have been the proud parents of 3 boys for 6 months. We were exhausted. I spent 5 glorious days with my husband. I did not have to fight with adorable preschoolers for his attention.  I did not have to watch the clock for nap time. I did not have to cut up anyone’s food. I could eat my own food at whatever pace I chose. Heck, I could eat my own food. period. 5 Glorious days.

I came home to 3 happy little men, all full of energy, and 2 sets of grandparents with stories of how tiring, but fun, their few days with the boys were. Throughout our time away, not one person had all 3 boys alone for even one day.

I had to smile.

There are so many times that I feel like a failure as a mom. The exhaustion gets to me and it is all I can do to make it through the day. At least twice a week I cave by 10 am and call in my grandmother as reinforcement, asking her to just hold the baby so that I can fold the laundry. You see Keaton, as much as I cannot get enough of him, doesn’t like to be set down. He wants to be held 24/7. Sometimes he will let me set him down and I can sit right next to him, but if I even think about leaving the room for a minute, the bloody murder screams start. So, if planned correctly, I can get a good 5 minutes of laundry folding in before he insists on being held. I don’t always give in. I can’t. He has 2 brothers, you know. So, sometimes you will find me frantically making lunch or dinner for the older two to the sound of screaming for background music. The good news is he is not attached to me. He is happy with anyone holding him. Even better, he does sleep in his own room, alone, all night.

The exhaustion can’t be pinned on poor Keaton. It is 3 boys 4 and under. When Keaton is happy, the other two decide to fight over a toy or they ask for a snack when they just finished lunch and I am sitting down to feed Keaton. I am pulled in 3 directions (in addition to paying bills, dealing with moving, emptying the dishwasher, etc.) all day long. It is exhausting. It is also rewarding and there is nothing else I could imagine that would tear me away from this job full time. The guilt is there. I should be teaching them more. I should be playing with them more.

So. I had to smile.

Hearing that my mother was exhausted when she had 2 other adults with her while watching the boys… thanks, Mom. I needed to hear that.